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November 22nd, 2012 Thursday, 11:39P.M.,31f, Thanksgiving Evening. | candihat's Blog


Today was almost like many other days except I got to talk to my oldest daughter. I don't look forward to the holidays as I once did as a small child, but there are reasons for that. Some how I dread them until I wake up on Thanksgiving mornings and realize that it is a good season.
     I found out the night before last that my mother was taken from a nursing home to a hospital with pneumonia. Why she ever decided to move so far away is beyond me. I think it is for the best thought. She didn't want me when I was born, she never wanted anything to do with me as I was growing up, so why do I try to help her? Am I stupid? I write to her once a week in that nursing home, I found out on facebook that she had been taken to that hospital, so I called her yesterday and toluld call her today when I did call her,twice she would not answer the phone. I've sent her gifts, thinking I am helping her.

     She seems to hate me like I messed up her life, when in fact she messed up my head as a child by letting me know she did not ever want me. I've heard her say that she hated my dad and is glad he is dead. I really must be stupid for trying to reach out to her.

     I am better off without her. Yet, there is something inside of me that thinks of how I would hate to me in a place like that all alone, no one to write or call me.

I am grateful that I found EP and this blog to write me feelings about, seems to lessen the blows some how.
Thank you Lord, I love you!!! 

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